Stars at Elbow and Foot

I started meditating again. The last time I had seriously meditated was before the kids were born, and that was not a Zazen meditation, but something new and not that productive. Let's stop with the vaguries. It was imaginative, but nothing real nor good came from it. So I'm back up to 15 minute sessions of sitting in Zazen or mantra medtitation. For a while I made it a game, but that was diluting the process. I've taken a more gentle and traditional aproach to medtitating. I set my iPhone's timer to 15 minutes and sit, concentrating on my breathing or a mantra. I have this afterglow from meditating.  After meditating I am the happiest and most calm and clear that I am all day, but this lasts for a few hours and fades. The pitfalls of life and work stream back in and slowly chip away at my ability to remain calm and accepting. So there's improvement, and there's more improvements to be made.  I need to sit and do the work, probably longer and at least twice a da

      Hi, Old Friend. It's been a long time since we talked. Too long. I've been trying to make something out of myself, but it seems that what I've made is not what I'd intended. There was supposed to be creativity and prose involved, not business emails and revenue watching. How did this happen? Slowly at first, and then all at once.       There are actual living beings dependent on me for survival, so I do what I do and my family survives- even flourishes! I don't feel like I'm flourishing. I feel like I'm jumping through other people's hoops for prizes and acceptance. I'm more comfortable financially now, probably the most comfortable I've ever been, but something had to be sacrificed for that to happen. There was a price that had to be payed. The death of a dream, maybe.       You get older and you watch things fade. Eyesight. Speed. Dreams. I'm not the dreamer anymore. Now my kids are the dreamers, and I help facilitate those dreams. Bu